If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
