Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My pussy is not your playground.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
