I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
