I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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