I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I touched a dick in church today
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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