It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
