Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
