If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
