Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
