Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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