that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
