i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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