jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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