Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
