You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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