Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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