Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
