i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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