He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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