he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
