I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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