Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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