So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
