You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
