I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
