i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
