I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
