Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
