So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
