So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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