He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
