Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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