Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
