Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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