It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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