wakey wakey hands off snakey
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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