sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
