did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
