he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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