My nipple is on Facebook.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
