i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
