I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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