So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well you can't waste a boner
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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