Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
