RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
