Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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