Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
birth control should be required to get into college
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
