My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
