I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
