So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
