shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Four minutes until I can fart!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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