Dual....:-)
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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