Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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