Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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