Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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