Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
