Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
