Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
