I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
