If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
