I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i dont even know how to be here
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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