My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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