R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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