you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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