oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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