so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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