Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
