we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
