I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
