Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
