Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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