"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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