Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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