Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
