this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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