May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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