my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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