Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
