dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
