you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
