this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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