I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
