You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
