how can u be prego again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
