i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
